By Gail O’Keeffe

Truth and the expression of your truth is your divine hearts connection. When truth is not fully present in your life, your heart feels; dead, painful, filled to overflowing with searing pain, fear, shame, chaos, falseness and disconnection.

At the age of 37 my truth rose up and hit me with such force that I felt my heart split open and shatter into a million pieces. My soul felt fragmented and at the same time, I was consciously aware of my life and the world. This feeling was extremely frightening and very uncomfortable. I literally felt like someone had picked me up and put me on another planet!

I was hearing a lot of chaotic noise in my head, a searing pain in my heart, along with the impression in my mind of my father naked and fondling me. I remembered being sexually abused and could no longer repress the memories or the heat from the searing pain that had ravaged my life.

Oh my God, where have I been? Who am I? My body feels foreign. But I loved my Dad. How could this happen? No, I must be making it up! I feel so dirty. What if he finds out I remember what happened? Why didn’t someone help me? Who is going to believe me after all this time? I was drowning in a turbulent sea of painful reality and questions.

The assault on my senses was unbearable and the pain in my heart made me feel faint and nauseated. I was shaking uncontrollably with shock, as the tears streamed down my face and the pain clawed at my heart, like nails down a blackboard.

I then uttered the words, “I have been sexually abused by my Dad”. As I spoke the truth out loud to the workshop leader, the pain and shame was unbearable.

My world and life was changed forever……….

Sexual abuse is a life altering experience that impacts on many aspects of your life daily. The impact on me from the denial of the perpetrator and other loved ones who doubted that this experience had happened, made the healing journey even more isolating and torturous.

I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it took to step out of the role of the victim, as I sadly clung onto the tattered remains of my shocked, swollen and shame filled heart.

I remained in a state of shock, fear and feeling a gauntlet of emotions for the first few months. I liken the effects of sexual abuse to being held hostage with a gun to your head. You spend your days trying to prevent the gun from going off. This may be a graphic description for some; however, if you have experienced sexual abuse you will resonate with this description.

The barrage of other sexual abuse memories and rape also began to surface over the following months.

The depression that sets in, addictions, dysfunctional relationships, co-dependency, flash-backs, hiding because you don’t feel safe in the world, anxiety that creeps into your daily activities, leaves you wrapped in a cocoon of fear. It is similar to a bullet sitting in the chamber of the gun. You never know when it’s going to discharge with a deafening BANG!

Having lived the majority my life with all barrels loaded, I never really understood the impact the abuse had on my life or on the ones closest to me. My husband and children were also hostages, caught up in the fallout from my sexual abuse.

My children missed out on having a fun loving, carefree mother due to the severe bouts of depression; I would drift in and out of when they were younger. Attending their school activities would bring on a huge anxiety attack which would cripple me and result in me staying home, or leaving early. I would then berate and give myself a hard time because I couldn’t get my act together to be with my children to see their faces light up as they crossed the finished line at their athletics carnival. Back then, I wasn’t even aware that the symptom I was experiencing was anxiety. I simply thought I was a no good frightened Mother.

I no longer hold that opinion of myself and know that I did the best I could with the information I had.

My husband felt helpless, isolated and did not know what to do to help me erase the pain I was feeling, when my memories of being sexually abused surfaced with a BANG!!

He took care of the practical things like cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, folding the clothes, caring for the children, running the household and worked full-time. He was at a loss to know how to best support me emotionally.

He wasn’t sure if he was supporting me the best way.

He would sit and listen to me, hold me in his safe arms, wipe my tears and be there for me. This I felt was what I needed, to feel loved and safe and he did this with all of his heart. For me, that was enough.

However he was also a hostage in this nightmare called abuse. He wanted to be able to fix it, to make my pain go away. His love and the love of my children eased the pain.

It is important for the survivor to get back their sense of control and personal power. No one can fix this; however, loving and safe support is essential.

You are not alone!

One of the worst aspects of sexual abuse is often the sense that you are ‘the only one’. Logically you know this isn’t so, but if you don’t personally know people who have been molested as children, you can feel isolated and alone. If you are a victim, please know that what happened was not your fault.

You deserve the help and support you need to heal.

Your healing is as unique as your thumb print.

That’s why I have created a website and online support forum to provide a resource of the many different ways that are available to help you break the isolation and silence of sexual abuse. It is a holistic approach that promotes healing, growth and integration.

Your First Step:

Get your Free 16 page Book - No More Secrets: Breaking the Silence of Childhood Molestation.

You will receive transformative techniques and tools that empower and help you in eroding the shame and silence that surrounds childhood molestation.

"After reading No More Secrets, one of things that stuck out for me was to see myself as a survivor and not a victim." -

Simply visit the website at http://www.gailokeeffe.com.

Gail O’Keeffe © 2007
Trauma Coach

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Author's Bio:

Gail O’Keeffe resides in Brisbane, Australia.

Gail is referred to as The Healer of Lost Childhoods and is a Trauma Coach.

Gail's passion and purpose is helping others break the isolation and silence of sexual abuse, awaken their Inner Spirit and to quench their thirst for healing. Gail incorporates life enhancing tools and techniques along with grounded knowledge.

After studying many disciplines, spirituality became the clearest path for the expression of her highly intuitive and extrasensory healing gifts.

Gail is a Sexual Abuse Survivor, Trauma Coach, Certified IHSC Higher Self Life Transformation Life Coach and Teacher, the IHSC Life Coach Teacher’s Director. Gail is also a qualified Divinity Decoder, Thought Field Therapy Practitioner, Pellowah© Healing Practitioner and Shell Essence Practitioner.

For further free resources, authentically empowering articles and access to the Survivor to Thriver Online Support Community visit her website by clicking on the following link http://www.gailokeeffe.com